The Book of Love Read online

‘You look lovely.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Where’s the grub we’re taking?’

  ‘In a bag on the kitchen counter.’

  Downstairs, Dom nodded at the bodies that were already accumulating around the fridge. ‘Soft drinks only,’ he repeated to the horde as he passed, grabbing the only bag in sight. As he made his way back to Erin, he rattled it. ‘What are we taking?’

  She took it from him. ‘Lydia said it’s fine just to bring wine. She has loads of food. What?’ She blushed and waved both her hands about. ‘I’ve had a busy day!’

  By the time they got to eat the meringue that Hannah had brought, Dom was a bottle of Merlot in, thought the world looked like a wonderful place and that forty-five was a magnificent age to be. ‘To this lady!’ He held Erin’s hand up in the air. ‘To this lady, who I love.’

  ‘Whom I love,’ Nigel mock-tutted. ‘Standards.’

  ‘Yep. That,’ Dom said, and they raised their glasses. ‘Ever since I saw her dancing like a tree at another party you gave, dear sister!’

  He felt Lydia’s arms hug him from behind. ‘Happy birthday, little brother,’ she whispered before heading to her kitchen to get the cheese.

  Dom stood and followed her. ‘Can I help?’ he asked from the kitchen door.

  ‘It’s all unwrapped,’ she said, ‘just got to put it on the board.’

  ‘Thanks for tonight, you didn’t have to do it.’

  ‘I wanted to. And,’ she turned around towards a top cupboard and opened it. ‘I got you something.’

  ‘Lydia, we don’t do presents.’

  ‘It’s not really a present.’

  He opened the envelope she handed to him in front of her, unfolded an A4 sheet of paper and lay it flat on the countertop to straighten out the creases. ‘What is it?’ he asked.

  ‘A made-up, typed by me, sort of “school report”.’

  Dom read aloud:

  Grasp of the English language

  A

  Ability to argue with the English language

  A*

  Positive strides forward

  B

  Understanding of Nigel

  B (Could do better.)

  Dom laughed and hugged her.

  ‘Finish reading,’ she urged.

  Understanding the past

  A

  Letting it go

  B+ (Room for improvement)

  New appreciation for the world

  A

  Gratitude to and for family

  A*

  ‘I’m going to keep this,’ he waved it at her. ‘I’d like another one when they’re all A*.’ He put both arms around her and whispered. ‘I’m proud of you, Lydia but,’ he pulled back, ‘I’m going to have to miss this lovely course and make a move. Everyone but you is swimming tomorrow!’ He patted his stomach and backed out of the room towards the dining room.

  ‘I think I should take you home,’ Erin stood when she saw him. ‘Before you sit down again and think about another glass or some cheese.’

  Hannah looked at her watch. ‘It’s 10.42. At least one of Jude or Rachel will be shagging by now.’

  Dom frowned.

  Nigel laughed. ‘I’d put my money on Jude.’

  ‘Er, thank you, folks, it’s been a lovely evening but duty calls. See you all at the lido tomorrow. Erin?’

  They left to the sound of their friends taking bets over what they’d find when they got home.

  In the car, he sneezed and rooted in the glovebox for tissues.

  ‘You’re not coming down with something, are you?’ Erin asked him.

  ‘Only acute parenthood,’ Dom mused. ‘I’m trying to feel grateful for whatever we find when we get home, bearing in mind we just left Nigel and Lydia’s child-free home and Hannah who’s trying to share her lovely little boy with a man who’s no longer interested.’

  ‘We should be grateful. We are, aren’t we?’

  ‘We are.’ Dom reminded himself, thinking of Lydia’s report in his pocket. He reminded himself of his wife’s beautiful body, free of any scares or scars for the last three years. He was nodding his gratitude as they turned into the street and could see their house lit up like a lighthouse beacon. A low drum and base thud could be heard pulsing in the night.

  Erin sighed, a puffed elongated sound.

  ‘I will kill them both,’ Dom muttered.

  Erin reached for his arm as she pulled into the parking space. ‘We will do this calmly, Dom, please.’

  The distinctive scent of weed met them on the pathway going in. In the hallway, draped over their beautiful stairway, a couple of kids were making out. Dom switched the lights on and off. ‘Jude Dominic Carter! Rachel Marianne Carter! Get your butts down here now!’ He noticed his wife flinch at the sound of his voice. Bodies were already scarpering out the front door. Jude appeared first followed shortly after by his sister. ‘You’re early!’ his son said.

  ‘Everyone out. Now,’ Dom spoke through gritted teeth. He put a hand on a boy coming down the stairs. ‘Not you, you stay,’ he said.

  Less than ten minutes later, the house had been cleared of people and Rachel and the boy sat on a sofa in the living room. Jude was finding all the ashtrays which were in fact saucers. Dom stared at Rachel and then pointed towards the boy with his head and jerked it towards the door. ‘You,’ he barked, ‘out. And don’t come back again until you’re invited by me.’

  Rachel folded her arms, threw her head back on the sofa. Erin took a seat next to her. ‘In here now, Jude, and you can bring your collection of saucers with you.’

  Jude sat on the arm of an armchair next to the sofa with Rachel and Erin. Dom stood next to the fireplace. ‘That bloke,’ he addressed Rachel but looked towards the front door. ‘I’ve never seen him before, who is he?’

  ‘His name is Kevin,’ Rachel said, staring at her painted fingernails.

  ‘So, is he the one responsible for the fact that you’re wearing different clothes to the ones you were wearing when your mother and I left?’

  He and Erin would laugh later at how their daughter at least had the grace to blush.

  ‘I hope I don’t need to remind you that you’re only sixteen.’

  ‘Perfectly legal,’ she retorted.

  ‘Or to remind you that, if you’re having sex, it had better be safe sex.’

  Rachel scratched the back of her neck. ‘I am not stupid, Father.’

  ‘Good to know.’ Dom sat down on the armchair that Jude was perched on. ‘What about you, Jude?’ He looked up at him. ‘Are you stupid?’

  His son shook his head.

  ‘What do you think, Erin? Do you think either of our children is stupid?’

  ‘Stupid enough to get caught tonight.’ Erin looked around her. ‘Stupid enough to get grounded for at least a week and stupid enough to lose a few hours tomorrow morning cleaning this place.’

  Dom reached forward and poked through the fag ends and joints on the saucers. ‘Stupid enough to smoke weed here …’

  ‘We weren’t smoking weed.’ Jude, looking worried, glanced at his sister. ‘Were we?’

  Rachel shook her head.

  ‘Well, your guests were and not just six of them like you were allowed to have here.’

  ‘Someone put it on Facebook, it just got out of hand,’ Jude grumbled.

  ‘It sure did,’ Dom agreed. ‘Now bed, both of you. You’re up at eight to start the clean-up and I swear you will even be moving furniture, making sure every crevice in this house is spotless. You’ll have it all done by the time we leave for the lido at eleven. Understood?’

  Jude muttered something under his breath.

  ‘You have something to say, Jude?’ Dom asked, catching the glare from Rachel.

  ‘Nothing,’ he muttered as he stood and walked away.

  ‘You forgotten something?’ Dom called after them.

  ‘We’re sorry, Mum and Dad. Sorry,’ Rachel said. ‘Sorry we got caught,’ she added and marched up the stairs.


  ‘She’s your daughter.’ Dom shook his head in her wake.

  Erin laughed softly. ‘Hmmm, she is, but then again, sex at sixteen and bold enough to do it here? You know anyone else like that?’

  Dom pinched his nose and rubbed his eyes. ‘Nothing more sobering than arriving home to this,’ he said. ‘Happy birthday, Dominic.’

  He felt Erin’s arms slide around his neck from behind. ‘I don’t know, the night’s still young.’ She pointed to the saucers. ‘How long has it been? It’s a “pot”-luck supper night and it’s a shame to waste it.’

  Dom laughed. ‘You’re incorrigible,’ he said as she grabbed a couple of joints and led him out the back door.

  They lay side by side on the sun loungers in the garden, Dom looking at the night sky and Erin looking at him.

  ‘You’re staring,’ he said.

  ‘Not.’ She sat up. ‘I think you handled our teenagers very well.’ She took a drag on the joint. ‘Christ, I’d forgotten how relaxing this stuff is …’

  Dom would have preferred a pint of beer but didn’t want to spoil the moment.

  ‘We are so on the naughty step if they see us,’ Erin giggled.

  ‘They won’t see us,’ Dom said. ‘They’re already asleep, wired into their bloody awful shouty music.’

  ‘Getting some rest before the cleanathon, and the swimathon.’

  He smiled, leaned across and kissed his wife, was just about to slide his hand up her skirt when he heard a sound behind him.

  ‘So, this is where you are. The word hypocrite comes to mind.’

  Dom jumped backwards at the sound of Jude’s voice and fell from the lounger to the grass. He stood up, rubbed his thigh.

  Erin giggled louder, her fingers resting on her lips. ‘Oh dear,’ she said.

  ‘You two are so not fucking funny!’ Jude strode back to the house.

  ‘Naughty step, definitely,’ Erin said as Dom stared after their son.

  ‘Fuck,’ Dom whispered. ‘I hate when he’s mad at me.’

  ‘Pull up a chair again,’ Erin sighed. ‘He’ll get over it.’

  Dom lay back down again, looked up at Jude’s window in darkness. He imagined his sullen frame lurking behind the curtains staring at his errant parents. Still he re-lit the joint, sucked on it, before passing it to her. ‘He will,’ he nodded sagely.

  ‘He will,’ she repeated, her eyes fixed on the heavens. ‘So, you think we’re alone in the universe, Mister “I’m a forty-five-year-old heathen and believe in nothing?”’

  ‘I object to that. I believe in love.’

  ‘You think the sky could be filled with love-making aliens? Other-world beings who can fall in love?’

  ‘I think you’ve had enough of the wacky-baccy, Mrs Carter.’ Dom yawned, stretched a hand to her. ‘We should go in.’

  ‘Five more minutes.’

  ‘Okay, I’m counting to three hundred.’

  ‘Do it quietly,’ she said, closing her eyes and lying back as she handed the joint back to him.

  Dom began to count and by the time he’d reached a hundred, Erin was asleep.

  He sat up, slung his legs over the side of the lounger and planted his feet on the ground. For a while, a lot longer than three hundred seconds, he simply stared at her as he took the last few defiant tokes. Then, gazing skyward again, he convinced himself that his son might be smiling by now and that the night-sky was definitely filled with love-making aliens.

  39. Erin

  NOW – 20th June 2017

  From The Book of Love:

  ‘Dom, it’s all very well saying that love is all there is but sometimes it’s hard.’

  -----Original Message-----

  From: [email protected]

  Sent: 20 June 2017 9:04

  To: [email protected]

  Re: Everything

  Lydia,

  I’m sorry about yesterday. I did go to meet you but couldn’t get out of the car. I did hear you at the door but … it’s better this way.

  That said, there are things that need saying:

  1. You have my resignation. There isn’t a way we could ever have worked together again.

  2. I’m seeing two estate agents today to give me valuations on Valentine’s Way. We’ll take the average of both prices and buy Valentine’s back from Gerard. As you know already, he’s moving into Sunshine Homes at the weekend and the proceeds of the sale will make sure he can remain there for as long as he needs.

  Lydia, this is what needs to be done. It’s what Gerard wants and what Dom wants.

  You have power of attorney for Gerard, so rather than extend this timewise where he has to be sent documents in the post, please instruct someone at Burley’s solicitors to handle his side too so they can talk internally and get this done, as soon as possible.

  If you need me, please email. No more banging on my door. Please.

  Erin

  -----Original Message-----

  From: [email protected]

  Sent: 20 June 2017 13:30

  To: [email protected]

  Re: Everything

  I’m so sorry I turned up at the house like that. I was upset.

  Of course I’ll do as you ask. I will respect your decision to leave work though I think it’s a mistake. A solicitor has been instructed in Burleys re Valentine’s and says as it’s an easy transfer that contracts can be raised to sign within a couple of days.

  In the meantime, let me just say this. I’m worried about you. Hannah’s worried about you. At least allow me/us that?

  I’m here. That’s all I can say. I’m here if you need me.

  Lydia

  40. Dominic

  THEN – September 2015

  Dom was looking for a bottle of Pinot Grigio when he first heard him. Instinct made him immediately look away; made his grip on the handle of the wire basket he carried tighten. He lowered his head, walked in the opposite direction. The voice he recognised was talking to a woman, both discussing different Riojas. Theirs was a comfortable sound; the dialogue of a couple who had been together a long time. Dom tried not to look but just at the end of the wine aisle he stopped and glanced back.

  Isaac looked exactly the same as the last time he’d seen him over eight years ago. Though he was ten metres away, Dom could see him clearly for the few seconds he looked. Same height, same buzz-cut hair, same flat stomach. The only thing different was the glasses he wore to read a label that the woman, probably his wife, was showing him. He was in uniform. Still a paramedic, Dom thought, before heading to the exit and discarding his empty basket en route. He’d pick up a bottle of wine somewhere else. Some people, just like some things or events, were best left firmly lodged in the past.

  At home, Erin seemed amused. ‘You left the wine?’ she asked when he told her.

  Dom waved a bag. ‘I got it, just got it somewhere else.’

  ‘You should have said hello,’ she teased.

  ‘I thought he’d moved up north, Manchester, wasn’t it?’

  ‘He’s probably visiting family.’ Erin stopped wiping the worktop and shook her head gently, a small smile forming. ‘I can’t believe after all this time you’d run away from Isaac.’

  Dom slipped his arms around her waist from behind. ‘I didn’t run away from Isaac, Mrs Carter. To be fair, I’ve never once run away from Isaac.’ He kissed her neck. ‘I just thought it best to avoid any awkward moments, not to poke old worries.’

  Erin turned around to face him. ‘“Old worries?”’

  ‘He did feature a bit during the time I thought I’d lost you.’

  ‘You knew you hadn’t lost me. You told me often enough that you were just waiting it out.’

  His eyes fixed on hers. ‘Have you ever noticed that whenever something bothers you or me, we separate? If it’s something small, you head to the bath and me to my study, ending up chatting about it in the book. That was something big. You headed to another man and I … I stayed far enough away to give you space and ne
ar enough to hope that you could see I wasn’t leaving.’

  Her eyes never left his and he could almost hear the cogs and wheels in her head clicking.

  ‘I’ve never asked you …’ she began.

  No, she hadn’t. Dom had often wondered why not, but she had never asked him, and he had never told her.

  ‘And I don’t need to now,’ she added, not sounding particularly convincing.

  ‘You can ask me anything.’

  ‘I don’t need to know.’

  ‘There was no one,’ he said. ‘Not a sinner, not a soul. No one. I never touched another woman in all that time.’

  Dom watched her throat swallow hard, her top teeth steady her lower lip.

  ‘No one?’ she said wrapping her long arms around him, lowering her head into his neck.

  ‘Believe me, Tree Girl, I’d remember.’

  Dom tapped in the alarm code and closed the front door behind them.

  ‘It still feels really odd,’ Erin said looking up at the house towards Rachel’s bedroom.

  ‘She’s happy, love,’ he said. It was his stock reply when Erin would start to talk about missing Rachel. He missed her. He missed her awful, flying, two-tone dreadlocks. He missed her cheeky laugh. He missed her rushing around the house plugged into whatever awful shit she listened to. He missed the noise that went with his daughter and missing her made him think of Maisie in a way he hadn’t done for years.

  ‘I’m going to start that photography course, the evening one.’ Erin filled the silence as they walked towards his father’s house for their fortnightly takeaway with him.

  ‘You should! Your photos have always been good.’ He felt grateful for the change of subject.

  ‘“Good?”’ she said. ‘You have to qualify for this course and the tutor said I show “remarkable talent”.’

  ‘That too! I’m sorry, you know I think you should do it. I think you can do anything you want to, and you’ve wanted to take better photos for ages.’

  ‘What’s up with you, Dom?’

  He had increased his pace. ‘Nothing, why?’

  ‘You’re antsy.’